אִם־אַחֶ֖רֶת יִֽקַּֽח־ל֑וֹ שְׁאֵרָ֛הּ כְּסוּתָ֥הּ וְעֹנָתָ֖הּ לֹ֥א יִגְרָֽע׃

If he takes another [into the household as his wife], he must not withhold from this one her food, her clothing, or her conjugal rights.

Exodus 21:10

Discussion Questions

1. What if these characters were queer women?
2. What themes does this passage hint at that are relevant to queer women?
3. How does centering queer women change the meaning of the text?

Commentary

Sarah Session (Winter 2018)

Fire

Imagine if the 2 wives that the text refers to are themselves queer – the co-wives are transformed from competitive adversaries into partners that support and satisfy each other

Air

Co-wives = assumes difference from hetero couples
There’s no power dynamic in this situation like in a stereotypical traditional hetero marriage where man is expected to provide for wife
Talmud explains that in order to have true intimacy with a partner you must be fully vulnerable, like this couple above

Water

The Shulchan Arukh says that man must lie naked with his wife. But we disagree – as long as intimacy is found in the relationship, including through other partners (co-wife). Intimacy takes many forms, including non-sexual.

Earth

Sex is not a weapon or something to manipulate in a relationship

Bilhah Session (Summer 2023)

Earth

Why is assumed that the other is female? Why is the other assumed to be straight?

At this time in this culture it’s always man + woman

Judaism doesn’t understand what LGBT identity.

It’s not about identity, or sex, it’s more about “responsibility,” or “duty.”

Are any of the “sister wives” queer? Could the marriage be one of secret love between the wives?

Fire

Queer lesbian relations are to be denied despite conjugal rights

Why are some denied rights to intimacy?

Water

The second wife could be a queer woman herself

Queer women in the picture would make it obsvious the relationship is poly and not just the man being with the wife he wants to be