In this Jewish parody of Star Trek in the vein of Galaxy Quest, the crew of Merkabah Space Station must decide what to do about the quirky aliens who make contact with them. This scenario uses the rules for Chutzpah And Chochmah.
500 Years From Now…
You and your skeleton crew of misfits work at Merkabah Space Station on Mars. Your job is to monitor and maintain terraforming efforts on this part of the planet. You don’t have much to do besides watch and wait, so you escape the tedium by goofing off and causing drama.
Everything is normal and boring until the graveyard shift, when Ms. Esther Nichols’ lovely voice comes on the intercom and announces that there will be an emergency meeting in the conference room in 15 minutes.
The Transmission
Merkabah Space Station has just received an audio transmission from Elijah’s Chariot, a deep space exploration vessel that went missing 20 years ago…
“Greetings! We are Thermians from the Klaatu Nebula, and we urgently need your help. The warlord Xanos the Destroyer has been systematically hunting, enslaving, and slaughtering our people. It was only our discovery of Elijah’s Chariot that we managed to escape and survive. We humbly request to be granted asylum as Jewish refugees. Please help us. You are our only hope.”
What Now?
As a crew, you must decide what to do about this. The smart, responsible thing to do is get in touch with HQ and let them deal with it. Of course, you don’t do that. So, what will you do instead? Will you…?
- Offer the Thermians thoughts and prayers?
- Explore Elijah’s Chariot?
- Take out Xanos yourselves?
Who Are You People?
Choose a character to play from below. You can tweak their trait, goal, and/or relationship to make things more fun.
Psst! For a group of 3 players, the ideal combo is Ze’ev Schattner, Levi Nimoy, and Dr. Baruch Kelley.
Ze’ev Schattner
Feisty And Charismatic Troublemaker
Goal Hog The Spotlight
Relationship Secretly Jealous of Levi
Levi Nimoy
Scholarly Orthodox Mensch
Goal Show Off My Intellect
Relationship Bickering Besties with Baruch
Dr. Baruch Kelley
Curmudgeonly Yet Caring Healer
Goal Keep These Idiots Alive
Relationship Angel on Ze’ev’s Shoulder
Esther Nichols
Elegant, Whip-Smart Communicator
Goal Win People Over
Relationship Levi’s Old Flame
Jacob Takei
Suave And Dashing Explorer
Goal Show Off My Hidden Talents
Relationship Feud With Ze’ev
Judy “Mac” MacDoohan
Brilliant, Wise-cracking Technophile
Goal Bring Back Alien Technology
Relationship Baruch’s Drinking Buddy
Reizya Checkovich
Young Ukrainian Jewish Scientist
Goal Meet Real Live Aliens
Relationship Jacob’s Comrade-In-Arms
Red Shirt
Cheerful Doomed Helper
Goal Die Horribly
Relationship Friendly coworker to everyone
Special Red Shirts can die many times, but there’s always another Red Shirt to replace them.
Psst! You can have as many Red Shirts as you want in your group. It may even be fun to have nothing but Red Shirts and have a good laugh getting yourselves killed!
The Player’s Job
- Play this character to the hilt. Don’t worry about nuance or subtlety. Over-the-top is just enough! Ask, “What would this character say or do if this were a trashy reality TV show?”
- Get involved in the craziness. Poke around the ship. Flirt with an alien. Try out the transporter. Don’t run away from risk or failure.
- Be a fan of these characters. These characters are deeply, ridiculously flawed. That’s why they’re so much fun!
Jews in Space!
Merkabah Space Station
Space station on Mars monitoring and maintaining terraforming efforts in this region of the planet. Potential “shake and bake” colony for future human habitation.
Perks Plenty of Non-Perishable Foods, Gas Powered Land Rover
Problems Frequent Power Outages
Elijah’s Chariot
State-of-the-art spaceship sent to explore deep space that went missing 20 years ago. It was discovered, repaired, and modified by the Thermians.
Perks Manna Replicator, Tons of Recorded Data
Problems Temperamental Transporter
Psst! If you want to challenge yourself by playing a place instead of a person, you can rewrite Merkabah Space Station and/or Elijah’s Chariot as characters!
Thermians
“We have been deeply inspired by the story of the Jews of Earth. We are in awe of your perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds and the many contributions you have made to your home world despite your meager numbers. Since encountering the sacred texts on Elijah’s Chariot, we have modeled many aspects of our society on your example.”
The Thermains, having remodeled their entire society around what they’ve learned about the Jewish people, have also given themselves Jewish names.
- Rabbi Angela Joshua Heschel
- Tikkun Olam
- Love Your Neighbor As Yourself
- Kosher Dill Pickles
- Deuteronomy Cohen
“Sacred Texts” found by the Thermians
- The Interplanetary Siddur
- JewTube, streaming video of Jewish media
- The Prince of Egypt
- Fiddler On The Roof
- History of the World Parts I & II
- A Rugrats Hanukkah
- Yenta
- The 60-Minute Seder
- The Albert Einstein Digital Archives
- The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
- Maus by Art Spiegelman
- MultiTorah
Bizarro Torah 
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